Can You Really Call a Bunch of Losers Heroes?
by adirtysilver
Summary: The Yorozuya trio and four main members of the Shinsengumi end up getting caught in a group of Amanto's scheme that revolves around a mysterious object.
1. Chapter 1

The lights flickered on as Gintoki flipped the switch, illuminating an enormous room filled with rows upon rows of crates. He was carrying a small, wooden crate with both hands. It wasn't too terribly heavy, but neither was it light. He and Shinpachi were each carrying one crate while Kagura was carrying two.

It was getting late; they hadn't started this job until nine, well after the sun had set. They had been hired to help move some cargo around at the Terminal. Apparently everyone who was supposed to work the nightshift had gotten a nasty case of food poisoning, something Gintoki could sympathize with. The last time he had suffered from it, just the smell of crab had made him nauseous for the following few months. In an attempt to make up for the lack of manpower, the people with the first shift had worked their asses off and got a bunch of overtime, but they couldn't be at work forever. They still had to be here early the next morning. Thus the Yorozuya had been given a nice paying job that wasn't too difficult. Unfortunately they weren't allowed to use forklifts since none of them had the training for it, otherwise it would've been a quick job. At least the first shift workers had done a good job of ensuring that there was a manageable amount of cargo for three people to move.

Gintoki felt ready to go to sleep, sure it was already after one in the morning. Kagura was strangely energetic as though staying up so late had allowed her to tap into some big store of energy for just such an occasion. Gintoki had lost count of the number of times he'd had to remind her to be careful with the boxes, especially when setting them down. She liked to pick them up like they were just full of packing peanuts, sometimes rattling what was inside. If anything broke, this whole job would have been pointless. Shinpachi didn't seem as affected by the time as he was by the fact they'd been doing manual labor for hours now. Gintoki felt old compared to these teenagers who were just fine with being up so late. At least these were the last crates that needed to be moved.

"Oi, Kagura, be careful," Gintoki said, cringing as he watched Kagura pausing to get a closer look at some crates they were passing, leaning over slightly and not paying any mind to the fact that in doing so the crates in her hands were approaching a dangerous angle.

"Do you have so little faith in me, Gin-chan?" Kagura sounded as though she was shocked at the notion. "Do you think I can't handle delicate stuff like this?"

Scenes flashed before Gintoki's eyes that argued against this, including when she had decided to take a full swing at him instead of catching him as he fell. "Let's just hurry up and finish this job as soon as possible. Just go drop off your crates, please. I'll give you 300 yen."

Kagura pouted, but stood up straight again and continued walking down the aisle. Shinpachi piped in, "What about me? Wouldn't I also get 300 yen if we finish this without any trouble?"

"I'll give you guys the same reward," Gintoki said.

The crates in this room were all grouped together by what ship they were supposed to be put on in the morning, and judging by the amount all bearing the same logos stamped on them, the ships these goods were for were all larger ones. Larger ships would mean richer merchants, and perhaps what they were carrying was more valuable than anything else they had earlier today. Gintoki let out a sigh of relief once they successfully set their cargo down in its proper spot, nothing broken.

"You owe me 300 yen," Kagura said as soon as her hands were free.

"Sheesh, you know I say that all the time and don't really mean it?" Gintoki replied, sticking a finger up his nose and blinking his dead fish eyes back at Kagura's slightly squinted ones. "It's just a figure of speech."

"Hey!" Kagura shouted, crossing her arms and glaring at him.

Shinpachi mimicked her, also raising his voice. "It's not like you pay us normally anyways! What's a measly 300 yen?"

"Now, now-" Gintoki started, holding up his hands to try to placate them. Luckily for him, the sound of a door opening in the opposite corner of the room interrupted what he was going to say. The three of them were the only ones who were supposed to be there, especially this late. He made a signal for them to be quiet, and luckily they seemed to be on the same page, although they were still giving him the evil eye. It was obvious there were multiple sets of footsteps from whoever it was that had just entered the room.

"The lights were already on in here," a voice said. It had an accent to it like none Gintoki had ever heard before. Presumably it was an Amanto.

"Either they're on all the time or someone just forgot and left them on," another Amanto answered. "Nobody's ever here this late, and I don't hear anything. Stop being so paranoid."

"I'm just saying, what if we've been set up? What if they've been tipped off that we would try to steal it? It's not even supposed to be here anyways. If they decided to look into it, maybe they would notice they'd been hacked. What if they've already figured out our plan?"

"'What if' this, 'what if' that. Just shut up about it and relax. We are so close to our prize, and I don't know about you, but I don't see or hear any who is here to stop us. And if nobody shows up in the next few minutes, then nobody _will_ be able to stop us."

" _Why_ are you _saying_ things likethat?" a third Amanto asked, distress plain in his voice. "Are you trying to summon the Shinsen-"

"Speak of the devil," a very familiar voice cut in.

"The Shinsengumi's demonic vice-chief!" a fourth Amanto exclaimed, even as the sound of swords clashing reached Gintoki's ears.

No longer seeing any point to being quiet and unnoticed, Gintoki started to sprint in the direction of all the commotion, Kagura and Shinpachi right on his heels. He didn't even realize that he had left his bokken back in a locker until he was already rounding the corner and saw Hijikata attacking a pointy-eared but otherwise human-looking Amanto. Seeing everyone else armed, Gintoki realized how unprepared for a fight he was and felt naked without a sword.

Yamazaki was with Hijikata, facing off against a second Amanto who also had a sword and who he seemed to be evenly matched with. A third Amanto drew a gun, pointing it at Hijikata who noticed and instantly positioned himself so that the Amanto he was crossing swords with was now between him and the gun. A fourth and final Amanto was sprinting towards the trio.

The Amanto with the gun must have heard the three of them approaching, as she turned to face them. Her yellow eyes widened in surprise, and there was a trace of fear which was replaced by first relief and then smug self-assurance once she saw that they were unarmed and in worker's uniforms. Gintoki froze as the gun was pointed at him, and Shinpachi and Kagura followed suit as the Amanto aimed at each of them in turn. The Amanto who was running passed by them, giving them a wide berth. It was then that Gintoki noticed he could hear more footsteps behind him. Back up? Another party?

"Don't move," the Amanto commanded, gun currently pointed at Gintoki who was the closest, being only 10 meters away from her. "Nobody-" She was cut off as the Amanto Hijikata was fighting was sent tumbling into her. The two Amanto were briefly entangled, and the gun was knocked free, sliding across the floor. Hijikata ran up to it and kicked it away, propelling it underneath some shelving, out of sight and reach before any of the Amanto could try to make a grab for it. The two on the ground were already separated and starting to stand back up as Hijikata took a second to stare at the newcomers.

Gintoki didn't wait around to see if Hijikata was going to say anything. He knew he wouldn't be able to do much here, and it seemed like Hijikata and Yamazaki already had things under control, so he turned to chase after the Amanto that had gotten away.

"Gin-san, what are we doing?" Shinpachi asked as he tried to keep up.

"Just follow my lead for now, I'm not sure what's happening either," Gintoki replied, wondering what was going on himself. He noticed that Kondo and Okita were running towards them from the direction of the door the Yorozuya had used to get into the room, and the Amanto was currently trapped between the two parties. The two police officers looked surprised by the Yorozuya's presence.

"Yorozuya?" Kondo exclaimed.

"Yo," Gintoki replied, holding up a hand in greeting. Right as he was saying this, the Amanto ducked down a different aisle. Gintoki followed after, still trailing behind by a decent amount.

As Gintoki rounded the corner, he heard a sound like gas being released from the direction of where Hijikata and Yamazaki still were, accompanied by coughing and swearing. He had other things to worry about, however, as he saw the Amanto he had been chasing was now kneeling next to a crate he had broken open. A bright green orb the size of a watermelon was in the Amanto's hands, pulsing with its own luminescence in a mesmerizing way. The guy holding it even seemed to be entranced, but after a few seconds, his head whipped up to face his pursuers.

He reached for something at his waist before throwing it towards them, and a large cloud of smoke appeared, completely obscuring everyone. Unable to see, Gintoki instead relied on his ears and heard a small object speeding through the air, down below his knees. He dodged to the right just in time, and quickly got back up to sprinting speed.

The Amanto jerked back as Gintoki burst from the cloud of smoke, clutching the green orb protectively closer to his chest. Wasting no time, Gintoki tackled him, not having very many options. His theory proved to be correct as the Amanto wasn't trying to fight back, and was instead ensuring that the glassy looking orb didn't escape his hands. While the Amanto succeeded in his goal, he also was holding the orb up and away from Gintoki, and Shinpachi swooped in to grab it away before booking it, Kagura right behind him.

The Amanto let out a snarl that made the hairs on the back of Gintoki's neck rise, especially combined with the Amanto's pupils shrinking to pinpricks. There was no mistaking the fact that the Amanto was now absolutely pissed, and he tried to kick Gintoki in the stomach. Gintoki was able to mostly get out of the way of the blow, and so was able to keep his hold on the Amanto tight. Then it was his turn to go for a kick, and his landed solidly thanks to being able to keep his opponent in place. The kick knocked the breath out of the Amanto, and Gintoki felt satisfied with the blow.

Leaving the Amanto wheezing on the ground, Gintoki followed after his kids, thinking it was about time for them to get out of there and that Kondo and Okita could handle the rest of this themselves. It was only a few seconds before he flinched as the sound of a gunshot tore through the air, and he really regretted not properly incapacitating the alien bastard. The shot narrowly missed Shinpachi who let out of yelp of surprise.

"Shin-chan!" Kagura shouted, motioning with her hands for him to throw the orb to her. Shinpachi seemed only too happy to oblige, tossing it to her before slackening his pace, starting to breathe heavily after all the running he'd already done.

Two more gunshots went off in the opposite direction. Gintoki glanced backward to see Kondo and Okita hanging back, peeking around the corner of the aisle, trying to get a better understanding of the situation before just charging in. The Amanto didn't waste any more time on the two cops and spun back around, this time shooting at Kagura. Apparently he was only interested in whoever had the orb. His aim was better than before, the bullet hitting the ground right next to her feet. It would've hit her if she hadn't changed where she put her foot down, but now she was off balance. As she fell to the floor, it seemed like everything was going in slow motion. The orb flew out of her hands, soaring through the air with enough momentum that Gintoki knew he was the only who had any chance of catching it, and even then it wasn't certain.

Gintoki sprinted like his life depended on it. Whatever the orb was, it was obviously important and probably ridiculously expensive. If it broke and it was their fault, it would take them forever to pay it off. He dove for it, arms outstretched. It shattered against the ground less than a centimeter away from his fingertips as he landed with a thud. A bright, green light exploded out of the orb's shards, covering first Gintoki and then the others, continuing to radiate outwards. It was blinding, and being unable to see anything but the green light which caused his eyes to burn, Gintoki shut his eyes.

As the light spread over Gintoki, it first felt like he was out in direct sunlight in the middle of the hottest day ever. Then it was replaced with a tingling feeling that brought with it an intense cold that spread from head to toe, causing goosebumps to pop up all over his skin. A sharp, boring pain caused Gintoki to force his eyes back open to look at his lower left arm. A small, perfectly circular piece of the orb was slowly sinking through his skin without actually tearing through it. It was glowing faintly, but as it became brighter, the pain became worse, until Gintoki couldn't help but cry out. When all trace of it suddenly disappeared, the pain grew to be too much, and Gintoki passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Gintoki pried open his heavy eyelids, instantly regretting it as a headache started to form. It took him a moment to get his bearings, and he was surprised to find himself on his own futon in his own room. Sunlight flooded the room, and he guessed it was already in the afternoon. Gintoki let out a big yawn and stretched, his body aching in response before slowly subsiding. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes and he knew he needed to take a shower, but right now he had other concerns. He tried to think back to figure out how he had gotten there, but the last thing he could remember was that bizarre glowing marble thing sinking through his arm which currently bore no sign that anything had happened.

Had that all just been some weird dream? Shinpachi and Kagura should know. As Gintoki sat up, a few bird feathers fell on top of his comforter. Confused, he ran a hand through his hair and found that it was even more unmanageable than usual, as though it was windblown. A few more feathers tumbled out of his hair as he combed through it with his fingers. Now he really had questions.

Gintoki walked over to his bedroom door, various joints popping along the way, small pains accompanying it before receding. He didn't think he had slept wrong, but it sure felt that way. Sliding his door open, he found two pairs of eyes immediately landing on him.

"Gin-chan!" Kagura exclaimed, a grin on her face.

"Are you feeling alright, Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked, a grin also on his face, although there was a nervous look in his eyes.

"Uhh, I guess so? I mean, I'm not hurt or anything, but there were some bird feathers in my hair, so I feel like something happened to me while I was out." Shinpachi let out a sigh of relief which just made Gintoki even more paranoid. "Oi, what happened after I passed out?"

"You passed out while that light was blinding everyone. When it disappeared, I felt kind of funny," Shinpachi said, adjusting his glasses. Something seemed different about them, now that Gintoki's attention was drawn to them, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what. "Then Okita-san was suddenly by you. He moved faster than my eyes could follow. You see…"

"We all got superpowers!" Kagura finished, bursting with excitement.

"What?" Gintoki asked in disbelief. "Are you guys just trying to mess with Gin-san since he doesn't know what happened?"

"Kagura-chan's telling the truth. Okita-san teleported a few meters at a time to get over to where you were so fast."

Gintoki still couldn't help but feel skeptical. "You're telling me that brat can teleport now?"

"Yes, now do you want to know what happened or not?" Shinpachi seemed to be getting annoyed with being interrupted so much.

Gintoki shut his mouth, keeping himself from asking any more questions for now and just nodded his head in affirmation.

"As I was saying, Okita-san teleported over to you and picked up all the pieces of the broken orb. Right after he finished, a blur attacked him, but he managed to dodge it and tripped it. It turned out to be the Amanto who first pulled a gun on us. She tried to get the shards from him a few more times, but he was too quick for her. She gave up and grabbed the Amanto that had shot at us before running away with him. Hijikata-san told us later that she had already rescued the other two as well. So for now the Shinsengumi have whatever that orb is and they're protecting it while they get into contact with the people who actually own it. They said to come visit them after you woke up so we could figure out what needs to happen together."

"So all this crazy stuff actually happened?" Gintoki still wasn't sure if he could believe it. A lot of weird things had happened to them before, but getting superpowers seemed a bit out there, especially since they still didn't know almost anything about the situation. "What kind of mess have we gotten ourselves into? Although you still haven't explained why I had feathers in my hair."

"After the Shinsengumi left, we grabbed our things before leaving. Kagura was carrying you home. When we got outside, she felt like she knew what her power was and just leapt up into the air."

"And then I flew! Shinpachi had the dumbest look on his face when I didn't just fall back down, you should've seen it! He was yelling at me too, afraid I was going to drop you or something."

"Which you did!" Shinpachi pointed out.

"What?!" Gintoki screeched. "From how high?"

"I wasn't that high above the rooftops, and it's not like you woke up from it or anything, although I definitely heard some bones break," Kagura replied, disturbingly unworried.

Gintoki looked at her in horror. How had she not already killed him? Sure he was the main character, but that didn't mean he was invincible. Falling multiple stories to the hard, unyielding ground wasn't a minor thing for him. He wasn't made of rubber like Luffy.

The look on his face made Kagura go on the defensive. "I dropped you accidentally. When I was flying a bird got stuck in your permy hair, and that's how those bird feathers got in it. It looked like it was going to poop, so I shooed it away, but I kind of lost my grip on you. I _was_ worried when you fell, but when I checked on you, you seemed alright. We're pretty sure you can heal super fast now."

"Healing? That's kind of…lame. You guys are teleporting and flying and all I do is heal? Isn't the main character supposed to have a flashy ability? Oi, Shinpachi, what power did you get? Don't tell me you also have a cooler power than me."

Shinpachi didn't answer, only sullenly glaring off to the side, refusing to make eye contact with Gintoki.

"Wait, don't tell me…Your glasses have superpowers?"

A vein popped out on Shinpachi's forehead and Gintoki braced himself for a rant. "Yes, of course my glasses got superpowers! Everything always just happens to my glasses! It's like I don't exist! And I don't even know if just anyone can use my glasses!"

"Oi, Shinpachi, let me see if they work for me." Gintoki held out his hand and Shinpachi grumpily took off his glasses and handed them over. As he put them on, Gintoki asked, "So what can they do?"

"There's a little button on the right side of them you can press. It flips through different abilities. There's night vision, heat vision, and x-ray vision. A button on the left side lets it shoot laser beams."

"Laser beams?! Man, I really did get the most boring power. And x-ray vision…" Gintoki trailed off thoughtfully, a sly look on his face as he pressed the right button.

Shinpachi blushed suddenly, blurting out, "I am not!"

"Patsuan, you're a pervert who can see girls' underwear with these?" The words left Gintoki's mouth before he realized what had happened. Shinpachi also looked surprised. "Wait, how'd you know what I was gonna say?"

Eyes wide, Shinpachi replied, "I-I think I just saw a little bit of the future. You said that exact same thing, so I responded, but then you just said it again."

"You can see the future too?! And these glasses don't work for me, they must only work for you." Gintoki sullenly handed the glasses back.

Shinpachi beamed. "I think I just have to squint to see a few seconds into the future."

"Just a few seconds? Can you see far enough into the future that we could win the lottery?"

"You just want to use me to make money! I mean it would be nice, but I don't think I can see that far into the future. I guess it would be good to test it." Shinpachi turned to face the clock. He squinted at it for a few seconds before saying, "I can see ten seconds into the future."

"Ten seconds, huh?" Gintoki said half-heartedly, his eyes dull and lifeless now that his hopes and dreams were crushed. "Well, I'm glad you got a power that your glasses didn't. Good for you."

"You don't have to sound so disappointed! I may not be able to win us the lottery, but at least my ability can be useful in a fight." No sooner had the words left his mouth than he was punched in the shoulder by Kagura. "Ow! Why'd you do that, Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi rubbed where he had gotten hit, sure it was going to bruise.

"You need to practice using your power, right?" she asked as though he should already know the answer. "If you can't dodge my punch then it'll be useless, yes?"

"Yeah, I know I need to practice-" Shinpachi was cut off when Kagura attacked again, and this time he dodged slightly out of the way so she just grazed his arm. "But not right now! Gin-san's awake, we should go visit the Shinsengumi like we told them we would."

"While I agree it would be nice to find out more about what's going on, I don't see why we have to go visit them unless they're giving us a job and paying us," Gintoki said, crossing his arms. "I can already tell we're going to be stuck in some kind of a mess, so I wanna be properly compensated for it."

"Bring that up when we get there then," Shinpachi replied.

"I will. Let me get ready real quick then we'll get this over with."

There were a number of things Gintoki had to do since he had just woken up. First, a piss. Then, a quick shower. While soaking in the hot water, he examined his arm, but he didn't see anything different about it. He also couldn't feel a difference, even though he now knew the orb gave people superpowers and was what had caused him to be unconscious for half a day. This was probably something he should bring up at their little meeting, but he didn't want to. After all, it could end up being nothing since so far there didn't seem to be any effects from it. No need to unnecessarily worry the others.

When he was clean and dressed in a fresh pair of clothes, he ate a quick breakfast of egg on rice made by Kagura. He wondered if she'd made it because she still felt guilty about dropping him. He wasn't mad about it, but he didn't think he wanted her flying him around again. A fall from a few stories high wasn't something he wanted to experience while conscious.

It was already the middle of the afternoon when Gintoki finished getting ready and the three of them left. It was annoying that they were basically being summoned to the Shinsengumi, it's not like they were their underlings or something. Gintoki wasn't going to let them wriggle their way out of paying the Yorozuya for a job this time. They'd saved the Shinsengumi's asses enough times without getting a proper reward.

Thinking about the Shinsengumi, Gintoki found himself wondering about what powers the other three cops had gotten. He only knew about Okita-kun's teleportation. "You guys know what everyone's powers are?"

Shinpachi shook his head. "No, we only know Okita-san's. We didn't stick around long enough to learn about the others since you had passed out and we wanted to get you home."

"Well I won't be surprised if the gorilla can now transform into a gorilla. I'd be more surprised if he can't."

"He would be Gorilla Man!" Kagura exclaimed. "We need to come up with our hero names."

"Hold on, we don't need hero names," Gintoki said. "Just because we have superpowers now it doesn't mean we're heroes."

"You're no fun, Gin-chan."

"We need money. We can't just go around helping people for free. And besides, if we became heroes that would mean we'd be stuck working with those tax thieves as some sorta team."

Kagura pouted, unhappy with his answer, but Gintoki refused to cave in. Kabukicho didn't really need a bunch of super-powered vigilantes running around. Gintoki could only imagine the amount of destruction Shinpachi and Kagura could cause now. Kagura had already broken his bones and Shinpachi could shoot laser beams. Gintoki didn't know where Shinpachi had discovered that, but at least he hadn't noticed any new holes in the apartment so presumably he hadn't damaged anything important. Yet.

They walked through the streets, the sun blazing down on them. Summer was just starting, and Gintoki found himself sweating in the heat, already yearning for fall. Once you got to be an adult, there was no purpose to summer, it was just a terrible time of year where you melted unless you had air-conditioning. Gintoki started fantasizing about demanding popsicles and ice cream from the Shinsengumi when he noticed a billowing cloud of smoke in the direction of the barracks.

"Have they already been attacked?" he asked as he saw Kagura and Shinpachi also staring.

"I'll go ahead!" Kagura said, jumping into the air before Gintoki could respond. She flew off, a blur of red, stunning Gintoki momentarily. It was one thing to be told she could now fly and another to actually see it in person.

It took Gintoki a few seconds to return to his senses, and then he took off at a sprint, Shinpachi following right behind him. This time Gintoki was prepared for a fight, his trusty bokuto at his side. He only wondered what they would find at the source of the black smoke.


End file.
